This Is a Real Site

Written by Christopher Null on August 2nd, 2015

ahJioCg

I dunno, she looks like a gluten eater to me. How do they keep people from lying on their profiles just to try to get with eligible, gluten-free singles???

 

Another Lost Art

Written by Christopher Null on June 28th, 2015

My old boss Tere knew shorthand, and watching her scribble those hieroglyphics during interviews always fascinated me. This story makes me want to master it myself.

 

YES!

Written by Christopher Null on June 1st, 2015

you-can-even

 

New Frontiers in Vandalism

Written by Christopher Null on May 1st, 2015

Bring in the drones!

 

April Fool

Written by Christopher Null on April 1st, 2015

Is it just me or are the April Fools’ Day pranks of today getting entirely tiresome? I think it’s because the internet makes it too easy to pull them off. How about painting the Golden Gate Bridge blue or releasing a herd of cows inside City Hall? Now that’s a prank, people.

Case in point. (I can’t tell if Eater even got the joke…)

 

Following the Rules

Written by Christopher Null on March 20th, 2015

The kids aren’t supposed to put “empty” food packages back in the cupboards, so (look closely)…

IMG_5012

 

Tattoos = Art

Written by Christopher Null on March 1st, 2015

Vag7Q6O

 

Saline Solution, $100 an Ounce

Written by Christopher Null on January 30th, 2015

How do you get placebos to work better? Charge more for them. Mind over matter… but money over mind.

 

International Shipping

Written by Christopher Null on January 1st, 2015

So UPS, let me get this straight.

Someone ships an express worldwide package — 58 pounds — to Ghana, Africa, using my UPS account number, but from an origin that’s about 2,000 miles away from where I live. The bill for the shipping is over $1,000. I almost never ship anything, let alone anything to Africa.

You don’t see anything just a little bit odd about that scenario?

 

If George Lucas Cut the New Star Wars Trailer…

Written by Christopher Null on December 1st, 2014

The lightsaber bit had me LOLing.

 

Strangest Thing in My Son’s Halloween Bag Last Night

Written by Christopher Null on November 1st, 2014

Dixie cup filled with Froot Loops cereal. OK then.

 

PG&E, This Is Ridiculous

Written by Christopher Null on October 7th, 2014

Dear Valued Customer,

Your energy statement(s) for Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) is attached and ready to be paid.

You may pay your bill within the secure PDF* by following the easy steps below:

  1. Open attached PDF.
  2. Enter password.
  3. Complete the form by entering your information into the General Account, Payment Profile and Bank Account Information fields.
  4. Select Pay Now button.
  5. Confirm payment details in window, and then select Yes to continue if correct.

Accept any Adobe security settings, if applicable.

*Adobe Reader version 7.0.8 and above is required to open the attached PDF. The Secure PDF Payment feature is not supported on mobile devices such as iPhone, iPad or Android. Please use a desktop or laptop computer to use the Secure PDF Payment feature, or log in to your account on MyEnergy to pay your bill(s).

Click below to view the most recent bill inserts including any legal and mandated notices. www.pge.com/billinserts

If you have any questions, please contact the appropriate corresponding number below for additional information:

Residential customers: 1-877-660-6789
Business customers: 1-800-468-4743
Agricultural customers: 1-877-311-3276

Thank you, we appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Customer Care
Pacific Gas and Electric Company
77 Beale St., San Francisco, CA 94105

PG&E is committed to protecting our customers’ privacy.
To learn more, please visit http://www.pge.com/about/company/privacy/customer/

You are receiving this email because of your notifications preferences associated with billing and payments. To stop receiving these emails, you may log into MyEnergy and manage your preferences.

Please do not reply to this message as the response will not be delivered to the originator.

 

Plastic Bags Illegal in All California Supermarkets

Written by Christopher Null on October 1st, 2014

The new law goes into effect for large grocery chains and pharmacies beginning July 1, 2015. It will extend to convenience stores and liquor stores July 1, 2016.

Under the law, stores will be required to offer customers recycled paper bags or bags made of compostable material at a cost of at least 10 cents. Consumers buying groceries using California’s food-assistance program won’t have to pay for bags.

Assuming the law keeps expanding: How will Chinatown function?

 

Why Ask Why?

Written by Christopher Null on September 1st, 2014

Labor Day cat GIF. Let’s do this.

IkOzMCD

 

The Business Equivalent of “The Dog Did It”

Written by Christopher Null on August 8th, 2014

Me (to Fedex): Your Delivery Manager service isn’t working. It says my house is a business address. Obviously it’s a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to post office): Can you change my house from a business address to a residential address?

Post office: Your house has been listed as a residential address for a year.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address. Can you make the change on your end so I can use your Delivery Manager service?

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

End.

 

My New Favorite Scammer Warning About Those Other Scammers

Written by Christopher Null on July 29th, 2014

“BE CAREFUL OF THE HOODLUMS.”

 

When It Absolutely, Positively, Ah… Skip It

Written by Christopher Null on July 1st, 2014

Today I Learned: If you take your FedEx door tags into a FedEx Office center and ask where your packages are, they simply can’t tell you. “Door tag number <> tracking number!”

PRO TIP: You can look up the tracking numbers on the spot using your phone by typing in the door tag numbers, then you can tell them to FedEx, and then they can help you. FedEx can’t manage this trick internally.

Good luck.

 

Why Not Take a Whole Hour?

Written by Christopher Null on June 4th, 2014

It’s not a huge waste of time, it’s HBO.

hbo

 

Overheard at the Cub Scout Trash Pickup Event

Written by Christopher Null on May 29th, 2014

“Ew, don’t pick that up. It’s got AIDS on it.”

(The AIDSy item in question was a spent Q-tip.)

 

Texas Monthly

Written by Christopher Null on April 26th, 2014

What I’ve learned in the last year of reading Texas’s premiere “lifestyle” magazine: Lots and lots of people have been horribly murdered in Texas over the last thirty years, and virtually none of the people incarcerated (or executed) for the crimes have been guilty. So, where are all the real killers?