Written by Christopher Null on September 19th, 2002

Airline bullet points:

– I understand when an airplane needs to be taken out of service for mechanical difficulty, but how about this: If I hear you talking about the problem when I get on the plane, don’t wait until everyone is seated and the door is closed to take everyone off the aircraft and remove the plane from service. Make a command decision before the plane is full.

– When you say you have a spare plane in a hangar across the runway, don’t take 2 hours to drive it over to the gate.

– When you are replacing a plane, why not just cart off the old plane with the broken valve and replace it at the same gate. Don’t change the gate three times. Just move the old plane and put the new one in its place. Then people wouldn’t have to wander all over the airport and you wouldn’t have to move the ground crew so much either.

– When you serve a meal on a plane, two spoons is not the same as a spoon and a fork.

– When your flight attendents are asked for a fork in exchange for one of said spoons, humor your passengers, don’t ignore them.

– Be wary of any “beef burgundy” which can be cut with a plastic spoon.

– Hire a wine expert, or someone with taste buds at least. If your white wine (because you ran out of red wine at row 18) can give someone a headache just from the smell, it’s probably not-so-good.

– Check out the video monitors from time to time: The U.S. flag is not red, yellow, and green.

– Your seatbelt Gestapo is silly. In a six hour flight, people need more than 30 minutes in which they can get up. A couple of tiny little bumps are not going to case anyone to fall to their death.

Summary: American, yours is a poor airline.


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