Hey blonde lady at Safeway. Here are some pointers for you next time you go shopping.
> You have like 8 items. There’s a COMPLETELY EMPTY express lane RIGHT NEXT TO US. You could have taken that one instead of running to dart in front of me in the regular line.
> It’s 8:30 on a Monday night. I have a tired 3-year-old with me. I’m looking at you impatiently. I recognize that my situation is not your problem, but common courtesy might dictate that this is not the time to whine to the cashier that there’s no freakin’ Odwalla lemonade and try to get a detailed schedule for the Odwalla guy.
> The way to get good service is not to tell everyone “that’s the only reason I came to this store.”
> It’s bad form to leave your cart — which you only needed because you’re too fat and lazy to carry 8 freakin’ items in a hand basket — in the middle of the checkout aisle.
> They ask everyone “Do you need help out?” with your bags. They don’t expect you, with two piddly bags, to take them up on the offer.
> After you left everyone in the store totally made fun of you. Go shop in Oakland or something.