January, 2011

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The Mails

Monday, January 31st, 2011

This just appeared in my mailbox today. I live in San Francisco.

(click for large version/punch line)

It’s What’s For Dinner

Friday, January 28th, 2011

This is the first press release I’ve received that I read all the way through in months. Fascinating. Had no idea Taco Bell was being sued because someone claimed their “meat” was only 36% meat. Per Taco Bell, it is actaully 88% meat.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Taco Bell® Stands Behind the Quality of its Seasoned Beef and Shares the Truth of its Not-So-Secret Recipe

Company Launches National Ad Campaign to Set the Record Straight

Irvine, Calif., January 28, 2011 –Taco Bell announced today that it is setting the record straight, launching a nationwide advertising campaign to share the truth about its seasoned beef. The company is placing full page ads in national publications including Wall Street Journal, New York Times and USA Today as well as in local market newspapers including Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, Orange County Register, San Diego Tribune, and San Francisco Chronicle. The company is also executing a campaign to reach its Hispanic customers.

To reach consumers online, the company launched a YouTube video featuring Taco Bell President Greg Creed speaking about the facts of the brands “not-so-secret” recipe. The video will be placed on the company’s YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/tacobell), Facebook page (www.facebook.com/tacobell), website (www.tacobell.com) and supported with an aggressive online campaign on leading search engines and social media networks.

The Advertising Copy reads:

Thank you for suing us.

Here’s the truth about seasoned beef.

The claims made against Taco Bell and our seasoned beef are absolutely false.

Our beef is 100% USDA inspected, just like the quality beef you buy in a supermarket and prepare in your home. It is then slow-cooked and simmered in our unique recipe of seasonings, spices, water, and other ingredients to provide Taco Bell’s signature taste and texture.

Plain ground beef tastes boring.

The only reason we add anything to our beef is to give the meat flavor and quality. Otherwise we’d end up with nothing more than the bland flavor of ground beef, and that doesn’t make for great-tasting tacos.

So here are the REAL percentages.

88% Beef and 12% Secret Recipe.

In case you’re curious, here’s our not-so-secret recipe.

We start with USDA-inspected quality beef (88%). Then add water to keep it juicy and moist (3%). Mix in Mexican spices and flavors, including salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, sugar, garlic powder, and cocoa powder (4%). Combine a little oats, caramelized sugar, yeast, citric acid, and other ingredients that contribute to the flavor, moisture, consistency, and quality of our seasoned beef (5%).

We stand behind the quality of our seasoned beef 100% and we are proud to serve it in all our restaurants. We take any claims to the contrary very seriously and plan to take legal action against those who have made false claims against our seasoned beef.

Greg Creed

President, Taco Bell

About Taco Bell Corp.

Taco Bell Corp. (“Taco Bell”), a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, Inc., (NYSE: YUM), is the nation’s leading Mexican-style quick service restaurant chain. Taco Bell serves tacos, burritos, signature quesadillas, Grilled Stuft Burritos, nachos, and other specialty items such as Crunchwrap Supreme®, in addition to the Why Pay More!® Value Menu. Taco Bell serves more than 36.8 million consumers each week in nearly 5,600 restaurants in the U.S.

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More Lactose Please

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Man was not made to consume this much cheese in this little time.

Young Lust

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

Scene: Virgin America flight from SFO to Las Vegas. I’m on the aisle.

Young Fight Attendent (to lady in window seat): What would you like to drink?

Lady in Window Seat: Water.

YFA (to wannabe hipster in middle seat): Something to drink?

Wannabe Hipster in Middle Seat (lecherous look): What’s up?

YFA: Excuse me?

WHIMS: What’s up?

YFA: I’m sorry?

WHIMS: Whassuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp?

YFA: Would you like something to drink, sir?

WHIMS (utterly defeated that his come-on failed): Water.

Aaaaaand… Scene.