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Following the Rules

Friday, March 20th, 2015

The kids aren’t supposed to put “empty” food packages back in the cupboards, so (look closely)…


Tattoos = Art

Sunday, March 1st, 2015


International Shipping

Thursday, January 1st, 2015

So UPS, let me get this straight.

Someone ships an express worldwide package — 58 pounds — to Ghana, Africa, using my UPS account number, but from an origin that’s about 2,000 miles away from where I live. The bill for the shipping is over $1,000. I almost never ship anything, let alone anything to Africa.

You don’t see anything just a little bit odd about that scenario?

Strangest Thing in My Son’s Halloween Bag Last Night

Saturday, November 1st, 2014

Dixie cup filled with Froot Loops cereal. OK then.

PG&E, This Is Ridiculous

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014

Dear Valued Customer,

Your energy statement(s) for Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) is attached and ready to be paid.

You may pay your bill within the secure PDF* by following the easy steps below:

  1. Open attached PDF.
  2. Enter password.
  3. Complete the form by entering your information into the General Account, Payment Profile and Bank Account Information fields.
  4. Select Pay Now button.
  5. Confirm payment details in window, and then select Yes to continue if correct.

Accept any Adobe security settings, if applicable.

*Adobe Reader version 7.0.8 and above is required to open the attached PDF. The Secure PDF Payment feature is not supported on mobile devices such as iPhone, iPad or Android. Please use a desktop or laptop computer to use the Secure PDF Payment feature, or log in to your account on MyEnergy to pay your bill(s).

Click below to view the most recent bill inserts including any legal and mandated notices. www.pge.com/billinserts

If you have any questions, please contact the appropriate corresponding number below for additional information:

Residential customers: 1-877-660-6789
Business customers: 1-800-468-4743
Agricultural customers: 1-877-311-3276

Thank you, we appreciate your business.

Customer Care
Pacific Gas and Electric Company
77 Beale St., San Francisco, CA 94105

PG&E is committed to protecting our customers’ privacy.
To learn more, please visit http://www.pge.com/about/company/privacy/customer/

You are receiving this email because of your notifications preferences associated with billing and payments. To stop receiving these emails, you may log into MyEnergy and manage your preferences.

Please do not reply to this message as the response will not be delivered to the originator.

Why Ask Why?

Monday, September 1st, 2014

Labor Day cat GIF. Let’s do this.


The Business Equivalent of “The Dog Did It”

Friday, August 8th, 2014

Me (to Fedex): Your Delivery Manager service isn’t working. It says my house is a business address. Obviously it’s a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to post office): Can you change my house from a business address to a residential address?

Post office: Your house has been listed as a residential address for a year.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address. Can you make the change on your end so I can use your Delivery Manager service?

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.

Me (to Fedex): The post office says my house is a residential address.

Fedex: The post office has you classified as a business address. You need to get them to change it.


My New Favorite Scammer Warning About Those Other Scammers

Tuesday, July 29th, 2014


When It Absolutely, Positively, Ah… Skip It

Tuesday, July 1st, 2014

Today I Learned: If you take your FedEx door tags into a FedEx Office center and ask where your packages are, they simply can’t tell you. “Door tag number <> tracking number!”

PRO TIP: You can look up the tracking numbers on the spot using your phone by typing in the door tag numbers, then you can tell them to FedEx, and then they can help you. FedEx can’t manage this trick internally.

Good luck.

Why Not Take a Whole Hour?

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

It’s not a huge waste of time, it’s HBO.


Ho Ho Ho

Monday, December 16th, 2013

The worst thing the movies have ever done to Christmas is confusing the masses into believing the man in red’s name is spelled “Santa Clause.”

Don’t Ask About the Original Star Trek…

Friday, November 22nd, 2013

Me: What’d you do in school today?

Daughter (11): We watched Robin Hood.

Me: Which one?

Daughter (11): The original. From 1982!

Choose Your Own Adventure

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

So I’m in the parking garage and go to the elevator…



So I go to the stairs…


Now Celebrating 4013 Years Open!

Tuesday, August 20th, 2013

Google’s kinda funny sometimes.

Hey, Maybe We’ll Beat China After All…

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Woman kills husband, self while learning to park

“Learning” is a stretch…

The Perils of Car-Based Advertising

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

It’s not unusual to almost get run off the road while driving in San Francisco. What is unusual is to almost get run off the road by a car with an advertising wrap on it. Even more unusual was what I spotted on the side of the heavily-tinted car, its driver clearly yelling at me to get out of his way: A vehicle wrap for babysitting service urbansitter.

Now that’s a little interesting. I’m sure no one from urbansitter was behind the wheel, nor was the driver likely one of the service’s babysitters… and yet, I’m still a little put off. Would I trust my children to a company that employs reckless drivers to carry its advertising message? As a parent of two, I’m suddenly not sure how I feel about the company’s brand based on this one, isolated incident.

Just a cautionary tale should your business find itself considering vehicle wraps to carry its marketing message. In the case of urbansitter, which has to get across how extremely safe its service is, maybe it’s better to stick with promotional pencils.

Then again… I definitely saw your ad!

Update 6/4/2013 – Urbansitter and the company that provides its car ad services, AdverCar, have both followed up with me and taken great pains to address this situation. I’m really impressed by their response.

This Is The Worst Press Release I Have Ever Received

Friday, April 5th, 2013


Monday night’s Dancing With The Stars episode will feature Pickler and dance partner, Derek Hough, performing to a very special song

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (April 5, 2013)- Country music’s Kellie Pickler announced today on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that she and her dance partner, Derek Hough, will dance to a very special song on Monday night’s Dancing With The Stars. In honor of the show’s theme of the week, “Most Memorable Year,” Pickler chose to dance to one from 2011— the year she married her husband, Nashville songwriter, Kyle Jacobs.

Pickler and Hough will dance the rumba to “Say I Do,” a romantic ballad written by Jacobs for Pickler shortly before their wedding day – and to top it off, Jacobs will perform the song in person on the show Monday night with the help of the Dancing With The Stars house band.

“It’s going to be an 100 percent emotional moment, and I’m just hoping I can keep it together,” Jacobs says. “Kellie’s doing so well on the show, and she’s having so much fun. The fact that she’s dancing to this song, our song, means so very much to both of us… it honors the love that we have so much.”

When asked how Jacobs feels about his wife dancing with Hough each week, Pickler sweetly told Ellen, “My husband knows he’s always going to get the last dance.”

Tune in to Dancing With The Stars on ABC on Monday at 8 p.m. EDT / 7 CDT to watch.

Stay tuned to kelliepickler.com for updates on tour dates and new music, and follow her on Twitter @kelliepickler.

The New Math

Thursday, March 14th, 2013

According to a letter from a KitchenAid warranty provider, this company suggests I pay $517 for a 5-year warranty on a 10-year-old mixer that now costs $340 new.

Who’s with me?

Fixing an Unreadable Smart Card?

Friday, February 8th, 2013

Anyone have any tips on fixing unreadable smart cards with chips like those seen below? I’ve got $45 stuck on this parking card and nowhere to go with it because it gives a “card error” message every time I try to use it…

smart card

Lance Armstrong + Oprah: Here’s How It’ll Go Down

Saturday, January 12th, 2013

Here’s a digest so you don’t actually have to watch the Lance Armstrong shame-fest.

Gosh Oprah, it feels so good to finally admit to the doping. Living with this shame for years has really been impossible. I’ve let my fans down. I’ve let America down. But mostly I’ve let myself down. I take responsibility, but you have to understand the pressure they put on you in professional sports to do this. I never had a choice.

I want to put all that behind me now, though, and I would love to find a way to educate people so no one else has to go through what I did. I want to do this for the children of America. So I’m announcing today that I’m going to start a new foundation dedicated to educating kids about doping. I want to make sure this never happens again! (applause sign)

What’s next for you, Lance?

I’m going to write a book and tell all the details. Maybe a talk show, we’ll see how that goes. I’m really excited about the future. Don’t do drugs, kids.

Gosh Lance, this is all so honest and brave of you. You’re welcome back into society. Now take a seat next to Hugh Grant!