CHRISTOPHER NULL

My next featured author is Melissa Westemeier, who writes a wide range of books from her Wisconsin home base. Her new book is part of a cheeky, humorous detective series whose main character is a retired nun. Ready to meet her?

Who are you, and what do you write about?

I’m an educator and nature lover living on 50+ acres in northeast Wisconsin amid dairy farms and cheese factories. I’m a wife, mom to 3 sons, and caretaker for 2 formerly stray cats. I’ve written romcoms, a series loosely based on my experiences tending bar in a river town while in college, and most recently the Nun the Wiser Mysteries featuring Sister Bernie, a retired nun, and Detective AJ Lewis, a millennial gamer and one of Bernie’s former students. My writing is humorous, but serious topics get embedded. Old Habits Die Hard is the first book in that series.

What is your favorite word?

Grow. Although I say “awesome” a LOT.

What is your least favorite word?

Decidedly. Wander is a close second. The first is unnecessarily pretentious and affected, the second is always inaccurate unless someone is literally lost in the woods or a desert and doesn’t know where they’re going (which almost never happens). One does not “wander to the fridge to find something to eat.” One is never “decidedly hungry.” These words piss me off when I run across them in other people’s writing. I have a visceral hatred for both words.

What is the trait you most like about yourself?

My curiosity, which I believe makes me intelligent. I’m also logical. (And apparently very confident…)

What is the trait you least like about yourself?

I talk too much when I should shut up and listen or at least limit my remarks. I interrupt people. This points to excessive confidence in my own intelligence and what I have to offer.

What is your greatest fear?

That one of my children gets seriously hurt or sick. Yes, they’re older now and fairly independent, but still… that would wreck me.

How do other people describe you?

Curious, smart, opinionated, stubborn, clean, funny, thoughtful, creative. (I took a leadership class last year and one assignment involved asking someone close to me to write a letter describing me. How handy was that today?)

What talent would you most like to have?

A great singing voice.

If you weren’t working as a writer, what would you be doing?

Working in education, possibly as an administrator. I was a high school English teacher, but I also have my principal license. My passion in education is Curriculum & Instruction. Or maybe editing, because teaching writing and helping people write well and level up their work was my favorite part about being an English teacher.

How would you like to die?

Peacefully and fast when I’m 87.

If you were to die and then come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I’d rather not.

When and where were you happiest?

2006-2014. My youngest was through the baby stage by then, and I had a blast doing stuff with my three sons. I’d reverse time to hunker down with them at bedtime to read a short stack of books in a heartbeat. Or go to the zoo or hike in the woods or see their imaginations at work while they played. Yes, life then was messy, loud, and exhausting but it was also precious and full of so much love and joy and possibility. The photos from this time period are my favorite.

What is your greatest regret?

I’ve wasted a lot of time on self-indulgent, stupid things. I’ve wasted time scrolling online or playing pointless games or engaging in meaningless conversations and arguments. I’ve invested my attention in people and events and objects and places that truly don’t matter. You can always make more money, but time is a finite resource. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My right knee wouldn’t be messed up and I could enjoy full range of motion without pain. I’ve had to give up running, among other activities, because of that stupid right knee.

Who is your fictional hero?

Jo March. I appreciated how she never quite fit into the mold and even though she had to settle for some things in life, she also stood by her convictions. Little Women is a very feminist text, Jo wouldn’t have become so independent if not for Marmee pushing her along, but ultimately Jo stands on her own and channels her energy and creativity and values into a meaningful life that positively impacts so many other people.

Who are your favorite writers?

Of all time—C.S. Lewis, Louisa May Alcott, Aldo Leopold, Henry David Thoreau, Edna Ferber, Jane Austen, P.G. Wodehouse, and Judy Blume. Currently I don’t miss anything by Lauren Groff, Tommy Orange, Kate Atkinson, Louise Penny, Doug Johnstone, Colson Whitehead, Amor Towles, Anthony Horowitz, Lousie Erdrich.

What have you been working on lately?

Old Habits Die Hard is out April 2, so I’m talking to readers about Bernie and AJ’s first adventure, involving the body discovered in the second-floor hallway at The Abbey. Bernie and AJ need to learn why Toni Travi was living disguised as a woman, who they are in real life, and who wanted them dead. Book two, Dropped Like a Bad Habit is in late stages of editing. In that book, Bernie and AJ investigate a series of deaths taking place in the neighborhood near The Abbey. It’s a blast coming up with cases for my amateur sleuth and detective to solve together and their 50-year age difference makes for a delightful relationship. I also love writing about other characters in this series, the residents of The Abbey: Senior Living, AJ’s friends and colleagues, and the people living around Eugene, Oregon.

You can find Melissa at her website or on Facebook, Instagram, and Bluesky — and please check out her new book on Amazon here.

Want to be the next thriller writer profiled on the blog? Email me here!