Anger Management

Just off the phone with a debt collector for Providian who literally screamed at me: “Why don’t you pay your debts!?”

Only problem: I’ve never had an account with Providian. Wrong Chris Null.

“The first thing they told me was, ‘Leave your cats and get out.'”

In a story full of great quotes, that was perhaps the greatest.

Ildren-Chay

In a bit of a pickle as to how to surreptitiously communicate with other grown-ups in the presence of children, now that my daughter is old enough to figure out things that I spell aloud instead of say. Pig Latin seems useless.

I’m Never Clicking on Anything Again

Yesterday I fell prey to my first phishing attack in years. I caught it a minute after I clicked the link and provided my Twitter account info, but the damage was already done. It took nearly an hour to change all the relevant passwords. Had it been a more “secure” password that got compromised it would have been an all-weekend experience. Joy.

Reminder to self and everyone else: No matter who sends you the email, even if it’s your best friend in the world, and no matter how funny they say you looked in “this photo,” do not click the link!

I’m Talking Mangos

Can someone explain to me where the produce that those guys sell on the side of the road actually comes from? And how come there seems to be so much of it?

Sometimes It Sucks to Be Tall

From the Ottawa Sun

A seven-year-old giraffe featured on a British television drama was struck and killed by lightning in South Africa Monday.

Hamley is not the first giraffe to be struck by lightning.

In 1996, lightning reportedly struck and killed a 5.5-metre tall giraffe that was standing on a hill in the Rhino and Lion Reserve in northeastern South Africa. A year later, its mate was struck and killed by lightning.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

Pet peeve.

Let’s say you’ve spent some time with someone — perhaps you’ve gone to dinner with another couple, or you’ve had a couple of drinks with them and chatted the evening away.

My beef: When you are parting ways at the end of the evening, you get the usual, “When are we going to get together again?” speech. You haven’t even finished that evening’s festivities, and they’re already pining for the next event? I know my company is invariably scintillating, but I need a little downtime before I start making more plans.

Am I crazy? Don’t answer that.

Finger Jerky, Perhaps?

You know after you remove a Band-Aid that’s gotten soaking wet: That white, wrinkly, squishy look that your skin gets where it’s been covered up? They need a really good name for that.

Like John Waters’ Moustache

Can someone explain to me why some otherwise attractive women pluck their eyebrows down to pencil-thin lines? It is the scariest thing on earth.

It’s Like Skype But With Typing?

My 7-year-old attempts to explain what email is to my 4-year-old:

“It’s like texting with a computer.”

The scary thing is that the 4-year-old understood.

Sometimes Sleeping Is Hard

Had insane dreams last night. People (even some dead ones) from the distant past playing major roles. Espionage and hitmen after me, holed up in a hotel room. My kids were overgrown to 5’6″ tall (but still 4-7 years old).

Things got so weird I was woken up and told that I was having a crazy dream, then went back to sleep.

But that was part of the dream, too.

The hitman/hotel story continued where it left off.

Still not sure if I’m up.