Sometimes Sleeping Is Hard

By Christopher Null | April 26, 2010 |

Had insane dreams last night. People (even some dead ones) from the distant past playing major roles. Espionage and hitmen after me, holed up in a hotel room. My kids were overgrown to 5’6″ tall (but still 4-7 years old). Things got so weird I was woken up and told that I was having a…

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Snowglobes: Banned

By Christopher Null | November 14, 2009 |

It no longer snows upon the world’s miniature landmarks. The TSA says you can’t carry a snow-globe onto a plane, even if it fits in your freedom baggie, because they can’t measure how much liquid it contains, and therefore it must contain more than three oz of potential explosive, um, water.

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Want Your Wallet Back, Bub?

By Christopher Null | October 13, 2009 |

Carry a baby photo. As the psychologists soon discovered, the sight of a smiling baby is enough to warm nearly any heart: only one in 10 of the strangers who retrieved such wallets neglected to return them. In contrast, the second-most successful image, the puppy, boasted only a 53 percent return rate. When the wallet…

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BPA: We’re All Screwed

By Christopher Null | October 9, 2009 |

Society laughs at your fears about the BPA-laden plastic water bottle. “When people talk about polycarbonate bottles, they talk about nanogram quantities of BPA [leaching out],” Warner observes. “The average cash register receipt that’s out there and uses the BPA technology will have 60 to 100 milligrams of free BPA.” By free, he explains, it’s…

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Go For It, Losers.

By Christopher Null | October 9, 2009 |

From the press notes for the utterly baffling, upcoming new film Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, which is not a remake of the Harvey Keitel classic. Starring Nicolas Cage and directed by — no, seriously — Werner Herzog. Here’s what Herzog — who’s easily on my list of 10 people I’d like to…

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And What Is Your Age, Sir?

By Christopher Null | August 13, 2009 |

New rules at the airport, yay! As of Saturday, you may (or may not, who knows!) have to provide your gender (gay) and age (uhh) when buying your little online plane tickets so you can go to New Jersey or whatever, for a funeral. Hooray!

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Mind vs. Matter

By Christopher Null | August 4, 2009 |

Brain says: Delivery is from 10 to 12. Reality says: Delivery is from 12 to 2. Brain loses. So does stomach, which was waiting for delivery to go get lunch.

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I’m Leaving Home Without It

By Christopher Null | July 26, 2009 |

My cell phone number: xxx-xxx-0033 + American Express’s new number they’re using (and which shows up on Caller ID) when they’re demanding their money from people: xxx-xxx-0333 = A dozen confused people who can’t make their credit card payments calling me at all hours every day… and probably assuming I’m trying to scam them somehow.

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